What to Do If A Custody Agreement is Not Being Followed
Court orders are legally binding. Whether the issue involves child custody, parenting time, or child support, both parties are required to follow the terms exactly as written.
When an ex refuses to comply, it can create stress, confusion, and disruption. It is especially difficult when children are involved. The good news is that courts in both Illinois and Iowa provide clear legal options to enforce orders and restore compliance.
If your ex is not following a court order, here is what you need to know and what you should do next.
Step 1: Stay Calm and Continue Following the Order
When the other party violates a court order, your first instinct may be to respond in kind. However, this can hurt your case.
Courts in both Illinois and Iowa evaluate each parent’s behavior closely, especially in family law matters where the focus is on the child’s best interests.
What this means for you:
- Continue following all court-ordered obligations
- Avoid retaliation or withholding parenting time
- Keep communication respectful and focused on the issue
Demonstrating that you are acting reasonably can strengthen your position if you need to return to court.
Step 2: Document Every Violation
If your ex is not following a court order, documentation is critical.
Courts rely on evidence, not assumptions.
Be sure to keep records of:
- Missed parenting time exchanges
- Refused visits or late drop-offs
- Unpaid child support
- Written communications (texts, emails, app messages)
Even small violations can add up over time, and consistent documentation helps show a pattern of non-compliance.
Step 3: Communicate Clearly (and Carefully)
In some situations, non-compliance is the result of misunderstanding or poor communication.
Before taking legal action, consider:
- Sending a clear, written reminder of the court order
- Asking for compliance in a calm, direct manner
- Keeping all communication child-focused
Keep in mind that anything you write could be reviewed by a judge. Courts frequently consider communication between parents when evaluating disputes.
Step 4: Do Not Take Matters Into Your Own Hands
One of the most common mistakes parents make is trying to “self-enforce” a court order.
Examples include:
- Withholding your child to make up for missed time
- Stopping child support payments
- Ignoring the order because the other parent did
These actions can backfire. Courts expect parents to follow orders until they are legally modified, even when the other party is not complying.
Step 5: File a Motion to Enforce or for Contempt
If the issue continues, you may need to ask the court for help.
In both Illinois and Iowa, you can file a motion asking the court to enforce the existing order. This is often referred to as a motion for rule to show cause or a contempt action.
If the court finds that your ex violated the order on purpose, it may:
- Require compliance moving forward
- Order makeup parenting time
- Impose fines or other penalties
- Require payment of attorney’s fees
Courts take violations seriously, particularly when they interfere with a child’s stability or well-being.
Step 6: Understand Enforcement Options in Illinois and Iowa
While the overall approach is similar, each state has tools to enforce orders. Both states can may take action to enforce, including but not limited to:
- Contempt proceedings
- Modification of parenting time
- Financial penalties or sanctions
- Court actions to ensure compliance
- Adjustments to custody or parenting arrangements if consistent violations occur
Step 7: Consider Whether a Modification Is Needed
Sometimes, ongoing violations signal a deeper issue such as a schedule that no longer works or changed circumstances.
If that is the case, you may need to:
- Request a modification of the court order
- Present evidence showing why a change is necessary
Courts will still apply the “best interests of the child” standard when considering any modification.
Step 8: Protect Your Child Throughout the Process
It can be tempting to involve your child when conflicts arise, but doing so can create additional harm.
Avoid:
- Speaking negatively about the other parent
- Asking your child to take sides
- Using your child to communicate with your ex
Courts expect parents to shield children from conflict and prioritize their emotional well-being at all times.
Final Thoughts
If your ex is not following a court order, you are not without options. However, the most effective approach is to remain compliant and rely on the court system to address violations.
By:
- Documenting issues
- Communicating appropriately
- Taking formal legal action when necessary
you can protect your rights and maintain stability for your child. Call us today for a free consultation to discuss your case.